It has been a while.

It has been a while since I blogged. Of course, there are multiple reasons why I haven't....

Let me bring you up to speed...

I went back to work in 2009 and when the girls dad and I divorced. I started a new life as a single working mom, homeowner, etc... Things have been incredibly hard for all of us to say the least. The girls Dad remarried over a year ago and they have a new little baby sister, plus two step sisters. They all go to the same school. Noelle and her step-sister are even in the same class. We, as divorced parents, have more contact than most due to the fact that we are both active parts of the girls daily lives. This, at times, can be great or horrible, depending on the day. We do it this way because it is the best thing to do for the girls. It's hard on the adults, but it is a good situation for the kids. The girls, have adjusted, very well. For the most part... this has become normal, as odd as it is.

I have been dating and now am about to marry a great man who has two twin boys. We are about to start our own "blended family" experience. Again, everyone loves each other and the girls are ready for their future step-dad to be a part of their daily lives too. We are all trying our best to do the best, in the best way possible, in spite of the difficulty of the situation.

Life continues to change. That is the only consistent part about any of this. And so, now you know.

For Noelle and Jolie

For Noelle and Jolie Bear

Hold On -

I clutch your hand
And you are unsure.
You want to hold on,
You want to let go.

I clutch your hand
And I am unsure.
If I let you go
Will you need my hand
To guide you again?

If I let you go-
Will you try?
Will you fly?
I see your eyes
they are curious,
but I know this world
So, I am unsure.

What if I let you go
And you didn't look back.
Your confidence would be my victory
And my defeat.
Could I let go of your hand?
I am unsure.

So for now
Until we are both brave
We can just hold on.

Don't grow up too fast little ones. Mommy loves you. 4-27-10

A Little Piece of Her Heart...

After Noelle got in trouble for being mean to her sister and not being considerate to her… I saw her being really kind to Jolie. So I said to them…”Are ya’ll being kind to each other and being loving?”

Noelle “Yes, mom….we are.”
Me, “Oh that makes me so happy….”
Jolie hugs herself and throws it at me. I catch it and hug myself.

Then Noelle says, “Mommy do you know what I like? I like it when you help me to know what Jolie wants… that makes ME happy. Do you know what I am going to give you? I am going to take out a little piece of my heart… and roll it up.. and make it big, and throw it to you… because I love you.”

Me- “Well then, I am going to catch it and put it in my heart and keep it forever.”

Then in a serious matter of fact way she said…
“Well, mom, actually, don’t forget to give it back to me when you are done, because it is a little piece of my heart and I am going to need it back. But you can keep it as long as you need it.”

Jolie and "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe"

Jolie and Noelle have both fallen in love with The Chronicles of Narnia. I often write about the conversations we have, these two silly girls and me, but I was lucky enough to have my phone near and recorded Jolie as she told me the story of Aslan. She is a cutie, and loves the camera. Earlier today she made me look at the pink sunset with her, and I told her how creative and nice God was to make such a beautiful sunset for us to look at, and she said, "Yah, I like God. I like Him a lot." I am glad that she is picking up on simple truth.

More Girly Quotes!!!

Noelle - "Mom can I look at your belly again??? I wish I was small enough to get back inside there... Mom, do they have vegetables in there in your belly???"

Noelle - "Is Daddy going fishing in the woods....? (ME) "No Noelle, you don't fish in the woods..." Oh! That's right Mom, you hunt for turkey's in the woods.... I am really going to have to get me some pink hunting clothes. And I need a pink gun, with brown polka dots, and then I can shoot those turkey's too. And I would, I would shoot them."

Jolie - "Can you open this movie so Noelle can get inside of it?"

My favorite, this is the best idea ever... (Me)as we are trying to get Noelle, who is unwilling to leave my sister's house, to get into the car... "Noelle, lets go, we have to go home. We have things to do and Aunt Carissa has things to do too." Noelle - "MOM! I have a great idea, Why don't we have Aunt Carissa, and Nana and Patrick come over to our house and then let's have a THINGS TO DO PARTY! We can all do things together!!!!"

Jolie - "You'll see Chester again one day when Jesus comes back Mom, don't be sad..." (I have not discussed the theological implications of animals returning to the earth like Christians are supposed to yet.... I think I will eave it alone for now, it's just too cute.)

Noelle - "DO NOT say stomach! DO NOT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!!!" She just hates the word so bad, we only say Tummy. No, I have no idea why.

Dear Anna and Katie...

Sometimes I just have to stop whatever I am doing, and write down some of the things that my silly girls say. Just a moment ago I was in the kitchen making Noelle, yet another Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich. Jolie, who had previously declared that she absolutley did not want a PBJ sat down and asked for her sandwich. She said, "I want one, jus like Noweelll." Of course. So I prodded her. There is a sweet and scary life lesson here. Here is how the conversation went.
"Jolie, do you want everything that Noelle wants...?"
"Yes, Mom" said Jolie bear.
"Jolie do you want to be just like Noelle?" "Yes, Mom, I love her." said sweet Jolie bear.
Noelle was sitting at the table with her. I knew she was listening, usually she is just talking in her head if she is chewing... but I could tell she was paying attention...
"Noelle, was does it mean for Jolie to be just like you?"
Noelle quickly replied, "It means you want to be someone you are not" (Which, I think she means that you admire them)
"So, who do you want to be like Noelle?"
Noelle did not skip a beat... "Anna Fires"
Anna, is a teenager at our church who has loved Noelle since the first day she met her. She has the same kind of sparkle in her personality that Noelle does. She is a giving, happy, outgoing, fun girl. She is also very generous and compassionate. I have always thought of how sweet our church is, and the group of teens and tween girls at our church are phenomenal. They all serve and give, especially to the younger kids. It is the true bud of Titus 2 ministry. That is another blog.
So as soon as Noelle said this about Anna, Jolie immediately said, "I love Katie, Mom. I want to be like Katie."
Now Katie is Anna's best friend and has been a faithful loving friend to my girls. She gets that from her mom. Katie is a quiet leader who has wisdom and patience in her eyes. She is one of those people who is always there, always helps, and seems happy to serve. I would love for my daughters to grow up and be like these girls. I am so glad that they have picked them as their examples. I think it is amazing that a five year old and a three year old could have role models, but they clearly do. We have been having conversations in our home about Katie and Anna (and Ali) for years. When Noelle was two she used to put her ponytail holders on her ankles to be like Katie, because Katie wore an ankle bracelet. Katie also wears small braids in her hair, and of course my girls do too. The list goes on and on. I have always thought it was sweet and such a blessing, but then it is a little scary. Here is the rest of the conversattion.

Noelle, "Mommy, your girls are in love." "
Really Noelle?, What does that mean, to be in love?"
Noelle, "It means you want to be just like them. It means you want to do what they do"

How scary for me as a parent. My children have role models outside of me and Chad, and their family. My kids look up to these girls. How powerful a role these girls have in my daughters lives. My children are growing up faster than I can keep up with. Soon, peers will be just as important in shaping their views as we are. Soon we will be crowded out by the world. My girls love these two girls. They don't know it but they admire these girls because they are girls who love Jesus. They are girls whose parents have taught them truth and the gospel. I hope that as I teach my girls about the Lord, that they will be drawn to other people like these two girls. I know the truth, the world and its temptations are sometimes so loud Christ may seem like a faint whisper against the clanging of the cymbals of the world... I pray that my girls will hear the whisper of Christ and seek Him out. In light of this conversation I am writing a little note to these two role models. Here goes...

Dear Anna and Katie,
Thank you for loving my girls and being such great examples to them. Thank you for accepting them so much that they feel connected to you so far as to want to be like you. I pray for you, and hope that when you have hard choices to make, you will remember that your choices go so much father than yourself and your family. They extend even to mine, and to the eyes and hearts of my daughters. I know this world is hard place and you are faced with great challenges. If you ever do fall or face temptation, please come home to Christ. That is the example that I hope you leave for my girls. You are loved by two little girls and their mom.

More Girly Quotes...

"I am 99 cents. You can buy me." Noelle

"Mommy, I dreamed I was me, and I was a really big girl, and I was driving the van." Noelle

"Do you know what else I dreamed? I dreamed I was playing baseball with Joesph" Noelle, speaking of her first crush in pre-school.

"Do you know what YOU get??!? You KNOW what is going to happen.... You get, A Kiss!" Noelle

"But I want TRUE LOVES Kiss!" Jolie

"Are we going to create the gravy?" Jolie, on our way to decorate my fathers grave.

"Sharing a room with an adult is a fine idea..." Noelle

"Mommy, I have no idea what you are talking about." Noelle

And this is something I will never forget, because, I know it is a foreshadowing of things to come... Noelle was playing in the living room, which is really a very small room. Here is what she said..."Mommy, do you know what this is?" She pointed to the rug and traced it in the air with her fingers... "This is a very small stage... But do you know what I want Mama?... I want a VERY BIG STAGE!" She was not kidding.